WHY MUDAVADI IS NOW A FRUSTRATED MAN

When he quit ODM a few months ago, deputy prime minister Musalia Mudavadi was a man who apparently must have harbored high hopes. With both Uhuru Kenyatta and Wiliam Ruto then staring at the stark possibility of being barred from the race to State House, Mudavadi’s bet was certainly that he was the best candidate to steals the thunder from Prime Minister Raila Odinga. However, things seem to have changed so fast within such a short span of time. Justus Kizito, MP Shinyalu who is close ally of the Deputy Prime Minister never minces hiss words. He reveals, “We are aware of the tricks being employed and so is our leader (Mudavadi) let the so called powerful individual behind UDF know that we are not short of political ideas to advance our course.”

His sentiments are perhaps echoed by ODM nominated councilor Joseph Bukachi who is now allied to Mudavadi’s UDF party who says Uhuru insistence to contest for the presidency puts Mudavadi at crossroads and could render the Sabatia MP’s quest a mere pipe dream. “When Mudavadi left ODM he was sure that he would get the support of Uhuru among other leaders in his ambition to lead the country. But with the latest developments it would appear that  he was duped to leave his former party for the support that would never be,” says councilor.

Another reliable source confided to the Pilipili weekly that Uhuru who is The National Alliance (TNA) party leader is determined to be on the ballot paper come what may. It is this obstinate ground that has crippled the formula for “a formidable force” to face off with a ODM’s Raila Odinga.

“Uhuru believes that he is at the better position to succeed President Kibaki as he retires after the constitutional bound of ten years at the helm. Though he has a serious case of crimes against humanity at the ICC, his reasoning is that he will have higher bargaining if elected,” say the source who did not want his identity revealed. Mudavadi was widely viewed as the alternative candidate especially to central Kenya after Uhuru was charged by the ICC. Ruto who us equally facing the ICC has ambitions for the presidency. He has been steadfast moving across the country drumming up support for the URP party.

Political analyst Kipkoech Murkomen says the URP leader is strategizing his party for majority seats in the National Assembly as well as the Senate. He says if he achieves this feat, it will give him a super bargain in the two tiers of parliament especially when vetting cabinet and public appointments, passing constitutional bills and government business as well as impeaching the president.

SUPRISING SIGNS HE’LL NEVER MARRY YOU

The tricky thing about womanizers is that they usually have their game down pat which means its easy to get sucked in.

They seem totally sweet and charming on the surface – who’d ever guess they were secretly scoundrels?

So to help you sharpen your man-whore radar we narrowed down the more subtle clues a guy has a case of commitment phobia.

If he exhibits three or more of these, watch out

1.         All of His Exes are “Crazy”

Be warry of a man who refers to his former girl friend as crazy, psycho or clingy – because what’s the common demominator here? Him. The dude’s either looney –bin glue or he never really wanted the relationship to work in the first place.

2.         He plans Ultra – Romantic Dates

A crozy candle – lit dinner is nice and all, but if he only takes you to secluded places, it could be a tip-off that he doesn’t want other women to spot him on a date.

3.         He’s hot and cold on the phone

He’ll text you 10 times in a night then go MIA for days. he’ll chat on the phone for an hour, then ignore your messages for the rest of the week wondering what the hell is going on? We’re going to be brutally honest. He’s mostly likely busy dating other women.

4.         He Guilt Trips you

It’s normal for a guy to be ‘lovely-dovey to sleep with you from day one. But this behavior is a red flag if he lays the pressure on thick or b) tires to make you feel bad if you choose not to have sex – like by giving you

5.         Stuff is missing from his Facebook profile

He has untagged any photo of you .. him? Doe he postupdates often yet never mention hanging out with you? Is his relationship status hidden?

We smell a rat.

SECRET POWERS RAILA GOT FROM HIS FATHER

Kenya’s prime minister Raila Amolo Odinga is a man who has had more downs than ups. And as the title of his biography, Raila Odinga; the Enigma of Kenyan politics suggests the man is truly an enigma and just when people thought he had written his political obituary, he managed to rise like the proverbial phoenix form the ashes baffling friend and foe alike.

More questions than answers are asked concerning this man, some of them include; How comes that Raila unlike other politicians was not finished by former President Moi? Why does the Luo community totally believe in him.? How did he manage to get back into power after many thought that Kibaki had finished the Jaramogis? Will he finally rule Kenya? Did he inherit secret powers from his late father, jaramogi Oginga Odinga?

A research carried by this newspaper over the prime minister Raila Odinga carries the legacy of his father, Jaramogi.

The constitutional amendment in parliament that created the posts of prime Minister and deputy premiers brings to mind the role of the family of the vice-president, Jaramogi Oginga.

Odinga, in shaping the country’s political destiny.

Until his death, Jaramogi a fearless and charismatic leader had put two presidents under intense political pressure, forcing them to make desparate constitutional changes.

And as if reading from his father’s political script, Raila has also put pressure on president Kibaki and forced him to make far reaching constitutional reforms.

High placed sources told this writer that when jaramogi was about to die, he called his son Raila and gave him secret powers of the Kenyan political chessboard. On top of that he nicknamed him Agwambo, which in essence means one who can slither under a rock when a situation demands and bear his fungs to attack at an opportune time. The late doyen of opposition politics also put his son under the Luo council of elders.

11 TYPES OF WOMEN MEN WANT MOST AND WHY

 In today’s world where women have become self centered and out to “sex-ploit” the male populace, it has become hard to find a wife material woman. That is not to say you cant find a good woman. A woman who can make a man happy.

City times brings you elevent types of women worth chasing, whatever it takes. The real women most men love:--

Equality women

Such types of women are true feminist, not one of the radical man haters.

These women believe that a relationship should be 50/50 partnership and are more than willing to shoulder their half of the responsibilities and dating expenses, just because it’s the right thing to do. They are genuine and have clean hearts. They are the type of women the modern man wants most.

Miss Sweet

This is woman who’s positive, content with her life, always upbeat and just a blast to be around.

She is a genuine person without a bitch bone in her body. She is always truly happy to see you and you find yourself looking forward to spending time with her.

They are usually snapped up out of the daring market right away, so they are pretty rare. But if you can find one, you’ve got a real treasure on your hands.

Miss sexual

If you get one of these you are lucky. She loves men and loves sex. She makes no secret about it. She is not selling it. Nor is she using it as a tool to manipulate men. She just naturally c raves for it.

DID NAIROBI SUPER COP USE WITCHCRAFT POWERS TO STAY ALIVE

He is the most dreaded cop in Kenya. At the very mention of his name it is said that thugs urinate on themselves in fear. Many consider him to be super cop who never eve takes bribes or works with thugs to look the other way as many cops do. His colleagues (both corrupt and straight) fear him but thugs fear him  even more after several attempts to assassinate him have failed miserably. He is Nairobi’s phantom super cop. Now you see him and the next second he vanishes into the thin air like a ghost.

Many know him only by the name “Masai” (although he is not even a Masai but is in fact a Kisii).

Older Kenyans compare him to the legendary Patrick Shaw because he does exactly what the late Shaw used to do. That is he identifies violent budding thugs early and usually warns them off strongly advising them to leave town ASAP (as soon as possible) and go back to their rural homes and completely forget about life in the city. He even goes as far as asking how much the bus or matatu fare is and gives it in cash, so that there are no excuses later.  He tells these thugs bluntly that if they do not comply they will almost certainly die, many young thugs have taken his warnings lightly and paid with their lives because he has no mercy when he catches them committing crimes.

Most policemen move around in pairs. Even undercover cops have a partner lurking around somewhere s their extra “security” However Masai usually moves around alone totally alone. It probably helps that he is amaster of disguise. at times you will see him in overalls and be toally convinced that he is some Jua Kali car mechanic. At other times he will be begging for cash at some seed corner in town. Still at other times it is easy to mistake him for a thug. It is said that he changes his disguise so frequently that there are very few people indeed who know exactly what he looks like.

But whenever there is a shoot out between thugs and the police you will know that Masai was involved when the body count of dead thugs is high. He hardly misses when he shoots and it hardly matters what kind of gun he is using. He is a deadly crack shot both with a revolver and AK 47 or any other automatic weapon.

On several occasions he has had many year misses which Nairobians are beginning to now question.

15 WAYS TO MAKE A MAN GO CRAZY OVER YOU

1.         Know  How to enjoy your life.

If you have a gloomy appearance and are always looking sad and depressed, then you cannot expect to attract a man.

2. Give support when relevant

No matter how strong someone is, even men, there are always points in their life when they will need to have some type of support. When you see that he needs, you should be there for him and help him out.

3.         Always be pretty

When many women get married, they let themselves go simply because they have already have their man. You should not let yourself go. If you went to the salon to get your hair done before you were married, then keep doing it. If  you were smart when he first married you then stay smart.

4.         Jealousy

I have seen many girls that try to spend as much time with their friends in order to make their guy jealous. This will drive him crazy thinking of those long hours with your friends. While I would never do this, there are some girls out there that will recommend this. Again, it all depends on who you are. The more he craves for your company, the more he is going to go crazy for you.

5.         Be confident around them.

GOOD PEOPLE CHANGE WHEN THEY BEOCME PRESIDENT

I cannot quite remember how old I was when it happened (but I was not yet 7). And yet the memory is still to vivid on my mind. Very telling because I have forgotten so many other things from my childhood but this little incident

My dad had come from work at the end of a long hard day and was changing from his imposing police uniform to casual wear so that he could go our for his usual drink. I questioned him persistenaly over something that had been disturbing me for a number of days.

I wanted to know how many steps he was in the hierarchy away from the presidency. He tried to explain that the president was not a policeman (he was an assistant commissioner of police than) but I insisted that he give me a number which he finally did.

Many years later I learnt that the number took into account the parliamentarians and the policemen above him in rank but was given more out of desperation so that I give him peace. It was the kind of answer that you give a child when the question they ask is too complex for their young immature minds to grasp.

Still the point is, like many Kenyans even at 7 years old I was awe-struck by the Kenyan presidency. I had watched many times on TV as the president arrived for various functions. Complete with a motorcade with numerous motorcycles and vehicles. I watched as the military parade stood to attention and the smart respectful salutes. Even as a naïve youngster it blew my mind away. There and then I decided that I wanted my dad to be president of Kenya and then I would take over a president myself from him when I grew up.

RAILA ODINGA’S SECRET WEAPON

It is no secret that the Luo have always been led by leaders with magical powers. Right through the days of heroes like Luanda Magere. In fact Wikipedia the online encyclopedia says of the late Jaramogi Oginga Odinga.

His (Oginga Odinga) efforts earned him admiration and recognition among the Luo, who revered him as Ker (spiritual leader) a position previously held by the fabled ancestral Luo chief, Ramogi Ajwang, who reigned 400 years before him. Vowing to uphold the ideals of Ramogi Ajwang, Odinga became known as Jaramogi (meaning son of Ramogi).

During Oginga Odinga’s long years away from politicis, the Luo believe that he was protected and kept alive only by his magical powers. One particular incident during the Moi era stands out. Wary of Jaramogi’s increasing political activities at the time in backing opposition to Moi’s government by insisting on the repel of the famous section2 (a) of the constitution which made Kenya a dejure one party state, government agents embarked on a mission to plant guns  on Odinga’s farm in Nyanza. the idea was for the guns to be later “is discovered” and used “evidence” that Oginga was planning an armed rebellion against the “democratically elected government of Kenya.” The mission was done in the dead of the night but the Luo believe that Oginga Odinga’s magical powers enabled him “to see” what was being planned. he is said to have woken up and confronted the government agents by simply asking them what they thought they were doing on his shamba.  

These magical powers, it is widely believed, were passed on to Jaramogi’s son, Raila Odinga. Indeed this belief spread to many other communities countrywide who voted for Raila in 2007. In late 2007 I meta Giriama man in Mombasa when when I was doing one of my many political surveys on the ground. He told me that he would vote for Odinga because he admired his magical powers which are the only thing that had kept him alive and

WHY DOES RAILA NOT FEAR DEATH?

Recently there have been claims that Prime Minister Raila Odinga’s life is in danger. What has shocked many Kenyans is the casual way the PM has taken the news not looking at all frightened or scared for his life.

He even told a public rally that he does not fear death  and that everybody has to face death one day. Those who do not know Raila was shocked at the way Raila reacted. However those who know him better and his past are not at all surprised. After all Raila has escaped death many times. During the Kenyatta presidency there were those who were very determined to kill his father the late Jamarogi Oginga Odinga shortly after they have murdered popular politician Tom Mboya. And they tried many things but they did not succeed. 

It is fascinating that after the abortive coup of 1982 which Raila was deeply involved many people were sure he was going to be hanged. Insiders tell Rocket that Jaramogi pleaded with Moi to spare Raila’s life and Moi was despite what people say was a man of mercy many times accepted and made a deal with Jaramoig that in return he must support the Moi government to ...end. Jaramogi struck to his end of .. until the late 80’s when he joined others like Ken Matiba and Charles Rubia in fighting for multiparty politics in Kenya. But the point here is that Raila’s lfie was spared while others involved  with the 1982 coup attempt like private Pancreas Ochuka were hanged at Kamiti Maximum Security Prison.

Why do Kikuyu Women have a weakness for Luhya men?

Too many nice Kikuyu girls end up getting married to Luhya men, way too many.

If you don’t believe this, just do your own research and get back to me. The fact is that we could debate for long hours as to what the real reasons for this are. So to cut a long story short and to put forward my point as to what the real reason for this is, DAILY EXPRESS presents to you a true story.

Njeri was a beautiful girl by any means and really yearned for marriage. She looked innocent enough but it was just as well people could never read her mind to know what was going on inside there most of the time. Were this possible, they would have been more than shocked. She just thought about sex all the time and finding the right man to cool down all the burning she felt inside. Somebody to quench the fires regularly.

But there was one thing that she knew already. That man would not be from the house of Mumbi. She had already had more than a few sexual experiences with a few boys in the village and frankly they left a lot to be desired. To avoid starting a tribal war of words in this good entertainment magazine, let me just say they had no idea what they were doing and usually it would be over before it even began. You nice girls out there know exactly what I am talking about.

That is one of the reasons why Njeri was very excited when she finally got a chance to come to the city in the sun in search of employment. Deep in her heart she knew that her real mission was to find “the one.’ But sadly everything started off on the wrong footing. She ended up staying with an auntie who treated her like a 6year old. Any mere whiff of male company anywhere near her would send the woman into her tantrums threatening to send Njeri back to the village in Muranga where she had come from. Obviously Njeri hated this, but was patient hoping that somehow her big break would come one day.

Meanwhile through a former schoolmate, she managed to get a temporary job at a construction site not far from the famous Ngara market. The job was pretty boring and involved keeping track of building materials at the site. Still it paid weekly and the money was good enough for her to move out of her strict aunt’s house to start life on her own which would obviously make it much easier for her to meet the man of her dreams.

She was still searching but there was nothing of interest in the construction site. Njeri was very particular. Her men had to be good looking and clean. None of the men who always smelt of stale sweat at the construction interested her.

WHY MOST KENYA’S PROFESSIONAL WOMEN ARE NOT MARRIED

Marriage, they say is ordained in heaven. However, the marriage institution is amongst the most threatened relations in modern times. Long ago, marriage was treated as a holy institution with the man as the head of the family in accordance with the African traditional religion. For instance marriage was significant in procreation and the clan’s continuity. In Africa the marriage institution was honoured by all as moral obligation of every member in the community. In America you can never be chosen into any leadership position if your marriage is not straight.

Nowadays, marriage has become a choice and not a moral obligation. With the advent of women liberation movement in Kenya, economic hardships, education and advanced technology, marriage has been rendered almost an insignificant institution.

What is more alarming is the rate at which couples divorce. Domestic violence, financial stress and feminist movement are to blame for this increasing rate. A recent survey in S. Africa revealed that it is professional and well paid women that lead in Kenya. You’ll need a keen look at the successful career women and you’ll be surprised that most of them are single. In Kenya alone top women Ps, lawyers, MPs, Civil Servants, Preachers and business ladies are single mothers or divorcees. The major reason being a career woman would rather be single and free than submit to a husband. Strangely you’ll discover that they’re engaged in extra marital affairs. Due to their affluence, they exchange and dump men like matatus.

WHY KIKUYU BILLIONAIRES WANTED RAILA

Kenya’s political scene changes everyday. The elites know how to mutate. They are always the change. Knowing that new constitution is being implemented, hey have realized that their wealth is in danger. What will they do to protect it? What secrets do they know?

At the peak for the push for what was perceived as Kenya’s second liberation, Hon. Raila Odinga declared ‘Kibaki Tosha.’ The slogan brought Mwai Kibaki’s Narc to power – so Kenyans thought. Those who read City time s at the time know where Kenya is ending. Raila Odinga was on the move to be near power. If you want power, you must be close to those in power.

to get you informed, when Kenya became independent Mzee Jomo Kenyatta was the first Prime Minister. Macdonald Malcolm was Kenya’s governor at independence. He was to Kenyatta, what Kibaki is to Raila. Malcolm had more powers than Kenyatta. The only advantage Kenyatta had as the prime minister was the constitution process. he was the one charged to give Kenyans a constitution.

As Prime Minister, Kenyatta made sure that the constitution favoured him. He transferred all the powers to the president Mzee was sure, he was the one to occupy the seat. The Jaramogis were intelligently pushed to the opposition by the American and British intelligence. Constitution ensured that those who co-operated  with the British always ruled Kenya. The change of the independence constitution has overturned everything. Raila Odinga has finally brought the Luos close to power.

When the grand coalition government was formed, Raila became Kenya’s second prime minister. He was charged to give Kenyans a new constitution. ‘Agwambo’ made sure the constitution gave him an upper hand as far as the Kibaki succession is concerned (hope you read our last issue). The man has also worn the international community without which you can never win an election in Kenya. Have you ever asked yourself why Raila is always abroad?

According to secret files seen by this writer, all common wealth governments are the same. They are given by mother states. it is one secret Raila discovered.  Former attorney General Charles Mugane Njonjo is the one who marketed Riala in Europe moreso Britain. The international community fought for Raila to become Kenya’s second prime minister

TOP 8 DEADLY SECRETS OF YOUR MOBILE PHONE

Today I have decided to revisit our intelligence corner. This is due to queries form numerous readers who read our March Issue. They asked us to return this corner. And we cannot fail them. We have decided to reveal what you must know about the handset you have.

This writer discovered that all mobile phones have special codes associated with them. They are used to identify the phone, its operating capabilities, change the handset behaviour and in some cases provide value added services regardless of the network. The following is some of the secret codes.

How to disable a stolen mobile phone

First of all let us reveal your mobile phone serial number. Here you just key in *#06#. A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone ever gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.

The code will make them able to block your handset, so that even if the thief change the sim card, your phone will be totally useless.

You probably wont get your phone back but at least you know that whoever stole it cant use or sell it either. If everybody did this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Shocking story how Sonko is Neglecting his Mother in Law..Sad Story

Hi
I have information on Nairobi senator Sonko which I think you need to publish. His mother in law from his first wife, the Late Njeri, who is also the grandmother of his first born daughter, Saumu, is so sick and needs knee replacement.

The mother in law has been sick for almost 3yrs, she has a problem with her legs and she is being attended at Kiambu hospital, she is very poor and the family is strained trying to pay for her medical and also her upkeep. When Sonko is asked to help, he abuses  the family by telling them that they are trying to con him. 

At times they are even unable to get her for her appointments while other times they can't
get her medication. Saumu (Sonko's daughter) has always been trying to help the grandmother but to no avail. Saumu was named after this same grandmother who is sick, Agnes Kina.
Herself she is faced with many challenges where sometime she is even forced to beg for sanitary pads from her cousin called Peris. Sonko is never at home for his kids and most of the time, he comes very early at 4am, pick up his clothes and leaves. He has a clande in South B called Judy ( who is married). 

He also has other women in Mombasa, Rongai and every one knows nowadays he is glued to Shebesh like a leech. Believe me the daughter is always calling her cousin asking for money to buy basic stuff because they are always fighting with the step mum.

All his children have a different mother Saumu is from the late Njeri, Salma is from a lady in Juja and Sandra's mother is from the current wife Prim. Sonko is very stingy and he only gives money when the camera is rolling "PR". His own wife is facing many
challenges.
 
I remember one time when the daughter was in form 2 he chased her away and she went to live with her grandmother in Runyenjes Kigumo, she was taken to St Agnes Kiaganari. Where the old woman struggled to pay her tuition until she sent her children to go beg Sonko to take back the daughter, who he later took to Buruburu girls and acquired a B+.
 

MP Millie Odhiambo Uses ''Donge'' in Parliament..Claims the word is an International Word..

Legislator Millie Odhiambo on Tuesday left parliament in stitches when she punctuated her speech with the word ‘donge’
 
The law maker was clarifying a point before the house that the former aide to the Prime Minister Caroli Omondi is not a Luo, but a native of Suba.

The house was left in stitches when Millie Odhiambo said ‘donge’ then was quick to defend her usage of the Luo word saying.

“Donge is an international word. It has been accepted into the dictionary” said Odhiambo as lawmakers, their political alienations  forgotten, all rolled with laughter.

The word ‘donge’ was made popular after a local television station aired a Kisumu man complaining about the election result. The man, Felix Ochii, even got interviewed later on television was even hosted at The Churchill Live Show.

Millie Odhiambo is the only female Member of Parliament from Nyanza. She won the Mbita parliamentary seat with a landslide.
- standardmedia.co.ke

Rich man writes in his will that gay son should marry a woman if he wants inheritance ..

A rich man wrote in his will that his gay son can only receive inheritance if he marries the mother of his children.

A rich man wrote in his will that his gay son can only receive inheritance if he marries the mother of his children. The late Frank Mandelbaum stipulated in his will that none of the children of his son Robert would receive inheritance if Robert "was not married to the mother of the child within six months after the birth of the child,” the local news media reported. A bit old fashioned? Sure. Especially when you consider that Robert Mandelbaum, 47-years-old, is a judge in Manhattan Criminal Court, who is also gay. Frank Mandelbaum, who founded the ID v

The late Frank Mandelbaum stipulated in his will that none of the children of his son Robert would receive inheritance if Robert "was not married to the mother of the child within six months after the birth of the child,” the local news media reported.
A bit old fashioned? Sure. Especially when you consider that Robert Mandelbaum, 47-years-old, is a judge in Manhattan Criminal Court, who is also gay. Frank Mandelbaum, who founded the ID verification company Intelli-Check, died in 2007 at the age of 73.
After New York passed the Law on Marriage Equality, Robert married Jonathan O'Donnell in August 2011, shortly after that the couple had a son, Cooper, through a surrogate mother.
Robert believes that his 16-month-old Cooper deserves a share of the trust of $180,000 reserved for Frank’s three grandchildren. He and O'Donnell are fighting in court to prove that the will of Frank is discriminatory and in violation of state law.

THOSE NAUSEATING NAGGING FELLOWS.

Mwalimu King’ang’i was right. Kenyan women need watching. I've been watching them for most of my adult life, and I don't like what I see. When these fellows spring at me, I quiver to my toes. Kenyan women come in all personalities, most of them menacing. You've got your "Nayo" kind of woman, your Westland’s kind of woman—don’t mention that she lives in Eastland’s where she was born and bred, your Mpango wa Kando kind of woman, your tsk-tsk kind of woman, your efficiency-expert kind of woman. All of them are dangerous.

In the first place, Kenyan women aren't fun. They don't know how to goof off, at least in the best, man’s point of view. They've always got to be adoing. Give them a coffee break, and they'll spend it in front of a mirror checking their make-up. Supply them with a quiet evening at home, and they'll scrub the floor and dust the entire sealing board. They say things like "Mimi nafanya usafi hapa na wewe kurelax nayo." Kenyan men never say that even if they do decide to clean. They believe that if you clean it up today, it'll just get dirty again tomorrow.

Kenyan women make me tired. They've got speedy little metabolisms that cause them to bustle briskly. They're forever eyeing new problems to "tackle".
Some people say the business about Kenyan men is a myth, that all of us insensitive are pathetic and sad people. I disagree. Kenyan men may not be chortling all day long, but they're a hell of a lot nicer than the wizened and shrivelled. Kenyan women turn surly, mean and hard at a young age because they never learnt the value of things like jam session on Sundays to see the lighter side of things. Kenyan women don't like eating Ugali because they themselves are never strong. They are crunchy and dull, like carrots. They go straight to the heart of the matter while Kenyan men let things stay all blurry and hazy and vague, the way things actually are.

Kenyan women want to face the truth. Kenyan men know that there is no truth. One of my female friends is always staring at complex, unsolvable problems and saying, “The key thing is ...” Kenyan men never say things like that. They know there isn’t any such thing as the key thing about anything.
Kenyan women believe in logic while Kenyan men see all sides. The sides Kenyan men see are rounded blobs, usually gray, always nebulous and truly not worth worrying about. But the Kenyan women are persistent. If you did it in secret decades earlier, they will surface upon your death to demand a share from your millions in paternity suits. Kijana Wamalwa, Samuel Wanjiru and now Mutula Kilonzo.

Kenyan men realize that life is illogical and unfair. They know very well that God is not in his heaven and all is not right with the world. If God was up there, all Kenyan men could always have their nyama choma and beer anytime they wanted it.

Kenyan women have a long list of logical things they are always spouting off to men. They hold up one finger at a time as they reel off these things, so I won't lose track. They speak slowly as if to a young child. The list is long and full of holes. It contains tidbits like "Mbona baba Pipi bado hujanunua gari kama jirani?’’, ‘’get your act together", ‘’pesa ya saloon?’’, "cigarettes kill", and "itabidi ujipange." Phrases like that.

They think these 2000-point plans lead to happiness. Kenyan men know happiness is elusive at best and even if they could get the kind Kenyan women talk about, they wouldn't want it.

Kenyan men know all about the mystery of life. They are the ones acquainted with the night, with luck, with fate, with playing it by the ear. One Kenyan woman I know once suggested that I buy beer and drink while watching an English premier league final game in the house instead of going out with the boys at our favourite spot. She figured this would be safer and economical.

I said I wouldn't do it. One, this is a final we are talking about. Two, I have never watched a game without the company of the boys. I never intend to break the tradition. Three, drinking while watching isn’t the most important thing. The most important thing is the fun me and the boys have while watching soccer while drinking together.

My defiance of her suggestion cost me our friendship however me and the boys are still the best of friends.

The main problem with Kenyan women is they oppress. Long after Kenyan men have removed their coats and shoes and put their feet up on the coffee table, Kenyan women are still standing at the door looking neat as a pin, lamenting about the man’s behaviour. Kenyan men are heavily into fits of laughter, screaming their lungs out while clapping their hands, while Kenyan women are still politely waiting for the punch line.

Kenyan women are downers. They like math and morality and reasoned evaluation of the limitations of human beings. They have their womanish little acts together. They expound prognose, probe and prick.

Kenyan men are convivial. They will like you even if you're irregular and have acne. They will come up with a good reason why your team has never won a trophy for more than half a decade. They will cry in your beer with you. They will let you off the hook. Kenyan men will gab, giggle, guffaw, gallumph, gyrate and gossip. They are generous, giving and gallant. They are gluttonous and goodly and great. What you want when you're down is soft and jiggly, not muscled and stable. Kenyan men know this. Kenyan men have plenty of room. Kenyan men will take you in.

By Kevin Otieno Obiero, edited from That Lean and Hungry Look by Suzanne Britt Jordan.